Balancing Sympathy and Self-Care

 Why is Sympathy important?

              It is our instinct to be self-centered; To do what is in our own best interest. However, living this way can be extremely draining and lonely. In David Foster Wallace’s speech, This is Water, He states that a self-centered life is like being “lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation.” To combat this, he proposes that we constantly remind ourselves that the strangers in our lives could be going through hard times. Not necessarily to act on that awareness, but to simply know that we aren’t the only ones with problems. This reframes the sense of frustration you feel when, say, the lunch line is really long. I agree with Wallace on this, but I also want to address something to be careful of when doing this.

 

Compassion, not Comparison

              While it is beneficial to be aware of other people’s problems, the problem is when we begin to compare our problems. In my experience, social comparison is as automatic as the self-interest. Whether you are actively thinking about it or not, it happens. You could think that your problems are worse than other people’s, but then you’re back at square one. Alternatively, you might think your problems are minimal compared to others. This causes you to deprioritize your own problems to some extent, which can lead to you not addressing them at all. For me it was the latter, and it took me a while to even realize I was doing it.

 

What can we do to combat this?

              Ultimately, it is a somewhat similar situation to the issue of self-centeredness, in that we must constantly remind ourselves that everyone’s problems have some merit (“There are people who have it worse than me, but I also need to address a few things”). This is not to say that everyone’s problems are the same or easy (since some don’t even have their physical needs met), but to present a simple way to think about it. If you have a problem that is negatively affecting you, just try to talk to someone you trust about it, whether you believe it is insignificant or not.